12 I'll Have A Hamburger Then

It's 1973. I think it was about the beginning to middle of the year. I was back in NY for about 6 months after hitchhiking across the USA. Back in NY? Yes, that's what happens after you end up on a cult commune in Oregon. Sounds weird, but it's true. I needed a job. A gal told me "Yeah, go to the Rainbow Diner. They need waitresses."

Rainbow Diner 1958

Rainbow Diner was your typical American Diner up until the early 70's. Then it became a "Greek Restaurant." The diner was really close to where I grew up, right across from the Oceanside Movie Theater. I was living in East Rockaway at the time. No car, I never even knew how to drive till I left New York.

I used a pay phone and called. Some lady says "Yeah. C'mon in." Well, it wasn't an interview. I really don't remember anyone "interviewing" me in the 70's. All the jobs were "Yeah. we need someone. Show up." But I went in for a few minutes to hear what to wear and details about my puny pay and such. I was getting the lunch shift cause I was new. The breakfast shift was too busy for a new waitress and the dinner waitresses made more than I deserved. Then she says "Wear a white blouse with buttons and a black skirt." Then she goes "But not too......... long." Ok. No big deal back then. To be honest in High School I wore some mini dresses that were so short they came with matching underwear. They were called "Sizzler Dresses." I can't find photos on the internet of anyone wearing them, just some modern, cheesy knockoffs. I don't think there were dress codes at the public schools in NY at that time?

Mine were blue and brown patterns. Long bell sleeves.

So this is where I want to talk about Saturday Night Live in the early years. It was hysterical. I get tears in my eyes laughing to this day. But what really kills me is that they took what life was really like and just showed the joy in it. Roseanne Roseannadanna was based on a real New York reporter. I'm sure of it. Just looked for a picture and she is listed as such. A nice Italian American girl. Gilda went a little over the top but Roseanne really had the animated mannerisms. If you can ever see a mid 70's video of Eyewitness News from NY, it's pretty entertaining. Roger Grimsby, Bill Beautel and holy cow the world was introduced to Geraldo Rivera.

Roseanne Scarmadela

Now back to my job. The patrons at the diner during the day were usually the fancier housewives that lived in the newer development at the time, Ocean Lea. The ladies would spend the day shopping at Abraham & Strauss in Hempstead and drop in on their way back. They had to be careful what they ate because of all the new dresses they just bought.

The diner's biggest seller during lunch time was the "Dietary Plate." You know, the hamburger patty, cottage cheese and canned peaches. Our plate was really fancy because an entire half peach was served. A round half ball on the plate with a sprig of parsley. No one ever ate the parsley except for me. I'd get "you eat that?' Now these so-called ladies were usually kind of mean and stern with me because I was the help. "Hon." Think Dirty Dancing. I wasn't the landscaper, so you know, no interest and kind of mean.

But here's the fun part. The kitchen. There were two Greek cooks that worked in tandem. I'm thinking this was a quirk of Greek cooks at the time? They operated just like the skit with John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. When I walked into the kitchen they were always standing practically next to each other. Supposedly they couldn't speak a word of English except for one phrase.

I'd run in with an order. Oh my God, run around like a chicken with my head cut off, cause you wouldn't want to get a glare from one of those ladies. I'd yell what was on the ticket to the cooks & they'd act like they didn't understand me. I never knew their names. No normal conversation here. I'd yell it again. Same thing. So I'd kind of slam the ticket on their counter, not because I was mad, but because I had to run. But then they would gloriously exclaim. "Hey, hey, hey. Mr. Sex." Not just exclaim, but shake their bodies around in all kinds of fashion. I swear they moved around like jello, just like the Wild and Crazy guys on Saturday Night Live. Dan Aykroyd & Steve Martin.  I swear on my mother's grave. Just like that. All the while saying "Hey, hey, hey. Mr. Sex."

My God. It was a glorious time to be alive. I really learned to belly laugh. They didn't mean any harm. They were funny as hell. Oh, I stayed there a while but the ladies didn't tip very well. I don't remember what I made. But I just hope that those two guys found their ladies and lived up to their reputation.